The Hair Chronicle Part 4: Curl (Like A Ram's Horn)

YOHO!

The blog's been a little shit mellow last time, so I'm going to pay it up with something that rather...cheerful. Well, not that cheerful, but just a normal post with some facts.

I was born on April 18th, so my Zodiac sign is Aries. I consider myself as a true Arian; everytime I read an article about Aries, I can relate them all to myself. Here's some Aries fact that really represent me:

To an Aries, appearance isn't everything. This sign laugh at those who truly believe that looks matter more than personality.

Aries have an innate desire to start something new no matter how far along they are on something. Because of this desire, they never seem to find themselves stuck. They may attempt to remake themselves and create a new beginning.

Aries tend to like when you stroke their temple and forehead. They also like when you play in their hair.

Aries: I am, therefore I am. As an Aries, you are purely you and nothing else. You are pure passion and pure soul. You work off of your own instinct, and you live in the present moment. You are honest and direct with a strong sense of excitement and discovery. You react instinctively to what impresses you at the time without fully realizing any danger or risk, and you go after it with all your heart.

An Aries will forgive you, but the scars run deep so they may never really forget what you did.

An Aries mother will always keep her children in line while respecting their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Aries are usually arrogant, adventurous, independent, competitive, impulsive, dynamic, and courageous.

An Aries has a natural instinct about what choices to make and when to make them.

Aries as a parent: won't overly spoil their children, will give plenty of hugs and praises, will enjoy shareing and creating magical fantasies with their children.

What Aries hate: sluggish people and those that linger and waste time when there are more important things to do; overly cautious and negative people.

Aries are independent and no one can take that away from them.

Aries live their lives with little or no regret.

Aries love leaving to pursue bigger and better things.

Aries are straight-forward and have no reservations about hurting the feelings of others.

Aries is the most impatient of all the Zodiac signs; they are also known for being very optimistic.

Brawl

"What's wrong with you?"

My heart beats faster, and I'm nervous. I don't like it.

"Why now?"

........I don't need to bother you with this. Let's talk something happier, shall we?

"You WANT to talk about it. Come on, spill it out."

Hhh.....alright if you insist.
Let's put it in these simple words: I don't know where I'm going.

"What do you mean?"

I'm scared. I'm scared that my dreams and visions are all just...dreams.
I feared that I expect too much from myself without actually able to fulfill them.
I feared that I'm going to stuck here forever. Forever dreaming.
I feared that this is the only job I'll ever get.
I feared that every step I take are steps toward an emptiness.
I feared that maybe I haven't really know what I want.
I feared that maybe I am that stupid. Maybe my grades really reflect who I am and how far I could possibly go.
I feared that all this time I was just trying to find excuses.

"That again? I thought we've done talking about that. Stop falling on the same hole, dear."

Let me tell you why.
I had a job interview last week. I wasn't giving my best--you can even say that I screw that interview.
Honestly speaking, I got interested on working there. I want to give it a try. It's my natural habit to be easily bored at one place and rapidly wants to move to another.

"People made choices. It's okay to turn down an option. Maybe it's for better."

How do you know?

"I don't, sweetheart. Hey, where had the optimistic Georgine gone?"

You see, that's my problem. I start to believe that I am not optimistic, but dreamy. I dream too much.

"Oh come on, dear. People will always judge. They will judge you by your look, your weight, you grades. No matter how good you are, there will always be something to judge. Don't let this one drained you from the usual you."

I'll tell you one more thing.
Yesterday I was talking to a guy whom I met at the church. Apparently he'd spent 6 years in Germany, studying for his bachelor degree in engineering. Excited, I asked his about the minimum standard for language proficiency if I wanted to study there. I told him I already have a ZD. He said it's not enough. They'll require a higher level than ZD.

"....so? What's the problem?"

That means I have to take another course! I have no more time! And don't forget the costs!
Will I ever actually go to Germany? Moreover, how can you be sure that I will be accepted there? What if I'm not? What if they too think that I'm stupid?

"You're not stupid. Don't ever say that."

Huh, how do you even know?

"Look at you now. You have a degree. You were given the chance to earn it. Not everyone has the chance. Not everyone has the endurance. Not everyone has the brain. But you, you have that."

Haha. Look at yourself. You're being too kind to me.

"Pull yourself together, sweetheart. No one can do this but yourself. You don't want to be like one of your frined, don't you?"

Stop talking about other people.

"And yet you compare yourself to other..."

I don't.

"Oh really? Well, stop comparing yourself to other too."

You haven't answer my question.

"Which question? You already know the answer, dear. We've talked about this before."

Yes, I know. But this time....it feels more and more scary than before.
I don't want to be stuck here. I always believe that when someone couldn't find any more dream to fulfill, or if one couldn't figure out where he want to go, then one may as well as dead.

"And your point on this? You want to die?"

.....no. I love my life too much to even think of dying.

"Look at your blog, dear. See what you wrote there. You said you will never regret anything."

I know. And I tried to. Yet sometimes it's harder to do than to type it down.

"Hold on to it. Try, and try your best to live the way you want to. You said no regret, then don't regret anything. Focus on what's in front of you. Carve your way through the stones."

That sounds heroic.

"Well life is full with small heroic acts. Remember one thing, dear. In order to love other, you must first love yourself. You must..."

I feared that I can't make my parent proud.

".......ah, about that. You know...I think...you can make them proud by being yourself."

Huh? What is myself?

"The one I've always known. The one who always accept the challenges. The one who always want to pursue something bigger. The one who always take chances."

You've been very patient. Listen to my stupid brawl and giving me nice words...

"When you are stressed and tired, you always been like this. Overthinking."

I see that's your closing statement to comfort me. Thank you anyway.

"You're always welcome. Don't forget to pray, dear. It always helps."

Sure will.




The fact that this conversation only happen in my mind...is quite pathetic, no?
So I'm using the same troubled mind to console the very mind that is troubled. Like a surgeon who operates himself.
Yeah, pathetic enough.

Selingan di Kamis Pagi

Halo, Opa. Apa kabar di sana?
Gapapa, cuma kangen aja. Cuma mau cerita sedikit.

Waktu itu saya abis beli Acer Iconia di pameran komputer terakhir. Sampe di mobil, sempat terbersit kalo nanti sampe di rumah, mau kasih liat ke Opa.
Biasanya kan kalo gadget-gadget baru gitu Opa tertarik. Biasanya juga abis itu Opa pake-pake dulu, coba sana-sini, trus abis itu kita diskusi sama-sama tentang gadget barunya.
Tapi kemudian saya ingat teman berbagi saya sudah tidak ada.

Dua hari yang lalu, waktu saya lagi di mobil, saya perhatikan kalo suara mesin mobil saya terlalu meraung. Saya mau tau apa mesinnya itu bisa disetel sedemikian rupa biar tidak terlalu meraung.
Sempat terbersit sampai rumah mau tanya ke Opa. Kalo soal mesin dan mobil kan Opa paling jago.
Tapi kemudian saya ingat orang yang kepadanya saya biasa bertanya sudah tidak ada.

Kemarin juga. Lampu indikator airbag di mobil saya tiba-tiba menyala. Saya langsung telepon Papa dan bertanya kira-kira ini sebabnya apa, tapi Papa tidak tahu.
Setelah telpon Papa, saya langsung reflek mau telpon Opa. Biasanya kalo orang lain tidak tahu, Opa pasti tahu.
Tapi kemudian saya ingat orang yang kepadanya saya biasa bertanya sudah tidak ada.

Kemarin pulang kantor mood saya jelek sekali. Biasanya kalo saya pulang ke rumah, suara Opa yang riang memanggil nama saya bisa membuat mood saya jadi baik.
Tapi kemudian saya ingat suara itu tidak akan pernah saya dengar lagi.


Yaaa, itu aja sih, Opa.
Cuma hal-hal kecil yang membuat saya ingat kalo sudah 100 hari Opa tidak ada.
BTW, kemarin dulu cucu Opa yang-mukanya-paling-mirip-dengan-Opa itu bertanya soal Opa.

Gapapa,
Cuma kangen aja.

The Hair Chronicle Part 3: Buns, or in Indonesian: Konde

See that pic?

That's me in the middle with my friends at the graduation party on February 9th.

See the make up?

That's a work of one full hour at the salon earlier in the morning. The day before was even more hectic.

Inside those oven-hot-robe-called-'toga' were a green kebaya encim matched with the green 'sarung':

There's a funny story behind this all hectic preparation.

The day before grad day, I spend almost all day searching through 4 malls for Make Up Forever counter. I drove through SMS, Mall Alam Sutera, and Lippo Karawaci before finally found the lipstick (with that particular brand -__-) that I was looking for at PIM.

So while the clerk was putting on the lipstick on my lips, she start suggesting for another color and another type.

Clerk: "Coba yang ini deh, Mbak. Ini warnanya bagus dan waterproof."

Me: "Oh...okay."

*the clerk put the waterproof lipstick with a burning red color on my lips*

Clerk: "Oiya, ini juga kiss-proof loh, Mbak...."

Me: "..........ha-ha-ha."

Clerk: "Ih, malah ketawa mbaknya..."

Well mbak, first you might need to find someone I could kiss before suggesting me that lipstick. Pfff.... #bukancurhat

Anyway, the graduation party was....HOT! Literally HOT. Not sexy-hot but HOT as in hell!

So the ceremony began with the MC calling out each faculty while the graduates entered balairung.

After each faculty were inside balairung, it's time for the deans and the officials of the university to enter into balairung while the colaboration of UI's choir 'Paragita' and UI's orchestra 'Mahawaditra' played the famous song: Gaudeamus Igitur.

Gaudeamus igitur, iuvenes dum sumus

Gaudeamus igitur, iuvenes dum sumus

Post iucundam iuventutem

Post molestam senectutem

Nos habebit humus, nos habebit humus.

Vivat academia, vivant professores

Vivat academia, vivant professores

Vivat membrum quodlibet

Vivant membra quaelibet

Semper sint in flore, semper sint in flore.

Personally those were the most emotional moments for me. I remember singing Gaudeamus Igitur as a first year student while watching my seniors wearing their toga.

And now I was the seniors graduating while my juniors singing me the very same song. I must say I teared up a bit.

The process continued with another agenda like prayers, etc., then it's time for each faculty's best GPA to came forth and received a certificate from the Rector.

.......wait. We don't have a rector yet. Ah yes, it was the Temporary Rector.

We were the fifth faculty to be called to received the certificate, and the seniors were already informed us through a message that we shall sing our faculty's song and jargon while our representatives came forth. And so it was...

MC: "FAKULTAS HUKUM!"

One of my senior STOOD ON HIS CHAIR, turned back to us, put his fist up in the air, then scream: 

"MERAAAAH!!!"

So we answered the call with our song:

FHUI nan jaya fakultas kami tercinta,

FHUI jaya!

Merah darah warnanya tanda satria jiwanya,

Dalam membela bangsa!

The he screamed again:

"KUNIIIING!!!"

Our answer:

We gotta go, go, Hukum go!

We gotta fight, fight, Hukum fight!

We gotta win, win, Hukum win!

Go go, fight fight, win win, YES!!

Apparently we were quite an inspiration so afterward the rest of the faculties start to sing their songs and jargons when their representatives come forth.

So that was my graduation party. There's still another agenda afterward but I don't really remember how it was. Me and parent drove back home immediately since I had a choir rehearsal and my mom's gotta see my grandpa who was checked back to the hospital.

Saturday, 9th February 2013.

A date I shall never forget.

The Hair Chronicle Part 2: The (Hopefully) Meg Ryan Hair

Gw akan memberi sub-judul buat post ini, yaitu:
Blood and Bucket.

Uyeah.

Jadi ini adalah peristiwa-peristiwa yang terjadi ketika gw masih duduk di bangku TK. Seperti TK-TK lain pada dasarnya, di taman bermainnya pasti ada jungkat-jungkit. Prinsip jungkat jungkit juga jelas: harus dinaiki oleh dua orang, di mana ketika yang satu mengayun ke atas, yang satu mengayun ke bawah.

Intinya, gw dan teman gw memutuskan untuk main jungkat-jungkit itu. Setelah bermain agak lama, gw mendapati dia mulai tidak menikmati permainan ini dan bengong sambil melihat kanan kiri. Posis jungkat-jungkit sedang berada imbang di tengah karena kami berdua menahannya dengan kaki kami.

Terbersitlah sebuah pikiran iseng. Tanpa ba-bi-bu, gw memijak sekuat tenaga ke tanah sehingga teman gw jatuh terduduk.

Gw tertawa.
Teman gw terdiam.

Kemudian setetes darah mengalir dari hidungnya.
Gw masih tertawa.

Darah yang mengalir dari hidungnya makin banyak.
Dia mulai menangis.
Tawa gw berkurang sedikit, tapi intinya gw masih tertawa.

Dia menangis makin kencang.
Guru mulai berdatangan.
Gw mulai terdiam.

Dia dilarikan ke dalam kelas. Gw ditinggal semua orang yang terlalu khawatir dengan teman gw yang tiba-tiba mimisan itu.
Gw cuma terdiam. Gw mencoba mencerna di mana korelasi antara jatuh terduduk dengan mimisan. Gw mencoba meyakinkan diri gw kalo teman gw akan baik-baik saja dan gw tidak akan disalahkan.

Pada kenyataannya memang tidak. Atau mungkin gw lupa.


Kejadian berikutnya terjadi tidak lama setelah itu. Gw lupa persisnya kenapa, tapi gw dan teman gw lagi berdiri di depan toilet TK dan antri untuk masuk ke dalam.
TK gw sendiri adalah bangunan lama, jadi toiletnya masih toilet jongkok dengan ember di sebelahnya untuk menampung air.

Entah karena kurang sabar atau tenaga gw memang terlalu besar, gw mendorong teman yang berdiri di sebelah gw sampai dia oleng dan jatuh ke ember.

Literally jatuh ke ember. Pantatnya masuk ke ember penuh air itu. Bajunya basah kuyup. Tidak sampai satu detik, dia langsung menangis.
Reaksi gw?
Seperti biasa: tertawa.
Gw tertawa sekencang-kencangnya karena pemandangan itu sangat konyol.

Alhasil, gw dihukum. Selama sisa pelajaran gw disuruh berdiri di depan toilet dan tidak diijinkan mengikuti proses belajar.
Gw sih cuek. Gw terus mengulang kejadian itu di kepala gw dan tertawa-tawa kecil di depan toilet.

Orang bilang masa anak-anak itu masa yang paling membahagiakan.Setelah membaca cerita ini apakah orang masih akan beranggapan sama?
Hahahaha, menurut gw masa anak-anak termasuk masa yang keras. Kalau sudah dewasa, pukul-pukulan pasti dilerai karena takut melukai sesama atau takut dilapor ke polisi.
Masa anak-anak? Kalo berkelahi malah disoraki. Yang badannya besar bisa dengan semena-mena menindas yang badannya kecil dan kurus.
Gw sendiri berhasil membuat teman gw mimisan. Gw pernah mendorong teman gw sampai jatuh dan berdarah. Gw sendiri pernah dilempari batu oleh anak tetangga. Untung kena di punggung bukan di kepala.
Gw pernah menginjak bunga puteri malu dengan kaki telanjang (ada durinya, bro). Gw pernah mengejar teman gw, kehilangan keseimbangan, dan jatuh terseret di aspal. Hasilnya: sepanjang lengan bawah gw ada luka gores mengerikan.

Pesan moral:
Masa kanak-kanak itu keras, bung.

The Hair Chronicle Part 1: The Longest Ever

These days you may see a lot of girls walking around the mall with their long, beautiful straight hair waving behind them. As to me, I've just cut my hair after I've grown it to the longest length I've ever had. Ever.

People may call it "buang sial" and this time I have to agree with those people. Many things had happened while I was with my longest-hair-ever, and I'd like to share one of those moment.


I lost my grandpa last February. On 21st to be precise.
As an only child in a small family, I've known him closely for my entire life. My memories are filled with him. For the last two years he's been living with me and my parents. We've been with him through his days in the hospital when his PPOK (Penyakit Paru Obstruktif Kronis) gone bad, and we've been laughing with him on his good days.

Even to this day, I must fight hard to hold my tears when talking about him.
One thing I hate the most from loss is that you will always have this feeling of emptiness in your daily habit.
Those things that you used to do with their presence yet now you do it alone. The feeling of incompleteness.

My grandpa was there to welcome me home after my bachelor thesis defense. He took a picture of my Letter of Accomplishment with his Blackberry and used it as his profile picture.
At the end of January, he got into hospital since he's suffering from a heavy breathing problem caused by the PPOK. After a few days in the hospital, the doctors allowed him to went home, only to be checked in again on February 9th.
My graduation day.

He only saw me wearing my 'toga' through pictures. But I'm glad he had a chance to see it. Two or three days later, the doctors said he must be put into the ICU because they need to monitor his PPOK 24/7.
During those week in the ICU, his condition was decreasing even worsened each day. The doctors took any action needed to save him, and finally on the 20th of February, he was conscious enough to speak.

The next day he died of heart attack.
They said that we've been care too much for his lungs, we forgot that his heart was tired.
I think he's tired of fighting. He simply wanted to meet the love of his life who passed 3 years earlier.

A priest who was my mother's high school friend told us that during a visit, my grandpa had said this:

"Sudah terlalu lama menunggu untuk ketemu dengan mami (my grandma). Selama ini saya tunggu karena saya mau lihat Gebi lulus. Sekarang dia sudah lulus, berapa lama lagi saya harus tunggu? Saya sudah capek."

My grandpa was a very kind and loving man. I was touched to see the amount of people who came at his funeral and actually felt the loss of his death. One thing that people keep telling me was how proud he was to me. Even to my small accomplishment, even to the simplest thing I've done, he never stopped feeling proud.

Well I take it as a personal reminder and encouragement, that no matter how bad I feel about myself, there's always one person who never stop feeling proud of me.
And that I need to keep making him proud.

So long, grandpa. Until we meet again.

The Hair Chronicle: Prologue

Since I'm back in blogging, I'm gonna try once again to make a continuous post.
This time it's entitled "The Hair Chronicle"

......anyway, I'm typing this on the office. My senior next to me really have to stop pretending-like-he-was-stretching while he's actually peeking on what I'm doing.
Or so I thought. Well, I need to take a precaution... *minimizing the windonw*

So why 'hair chronicle'?
Here's why:

Ever since I was a child, I always had issues with hair.
I was born with a natural curly hair, which fits my genetic background, yet I contrary lived in a society of straight-haired people.
Asian people generally have straight black hair, which can easily styled and fit with every haircut they're having.
While me? Cutting my hair too short means I'm gonna look like the rocker Ahmad Albar from Godbless, while keeping it long will make me look like Farah Fawcett (alm).

This situation kept a great envy in my heart over the straight-haired people, and it also pushed me into a never ending quest to find the perfect style and the perfect shampoo to tame my hair.

I've been through a lot of changing hair style. From super short with many hairpin to long enough to have its own percentage in my total body weight.

So hairstyles have been my time stakes to mark some of the important or memorable moment in my life. Even if I'd decided to made this continuous post a fiction, I'm still going to keep the hair-point-of-view.

I hope this won't be just another unfinished posts. I'm going to try to relive the spirit of blogging inside of me.
By the way, if anyone ever read this (mfufufufu), I'm gonna say that if you think the posts on this blog are too serious, feel free to visit my tumblr. It's where I expressed the craziness in my head.