A Piece of Notes by a Lonely Vampire

It's 4 hours before the dawn coming...

Poor little man. As I look at him now, I rewind the memory of his unfortunate fate that has brought him to me tonight.
He was walking alone in the front of my house, singing and shouting to the night sky with a beer in the right hand, and some chocolate in the left hand. Stupid drunker.

Now, after his alcoholic blood has been dried out from his body, I feel a weird emotion crawling in every inch of my dead body.

Emptiness.

Or should I say....loneliness?

I saw this documentary on the TV yesterday night, and I suprised.
It's the sun. How long was it since the last time I feel it's heat?
I recall a piece of memory where I was running in a beautiful field, feeling the grass on my feet and celebrating the summer of those year.

That big and bright thing at the blue sky amazed me...after a very long time of friendship with the night's dark.
Another memory came by! Such a chain reaction a sun can brought!

Summer, I was 15. My family went to a beach. We played in the sea, throwing sand at each other, then suddenly my elder brother rushing toward me, lift me with his strong hand and throw me to the sea.
We all laughed. Happy. And I was sured that the sun also smiling.
When was the last time I laughed like that?

Another memory.
Fall, I was 17. Walking in a road with maple trees along its side, with a man named Thomas.
Thomas...how I loved him. He was kind, attractive, and funny--everything I liked in a man.
The next year he was signed for the war. We spent the last day, whole day, together and as I bid him a goodbye at the train station, I prayed for his return.

I guess my prayer hasn't heard by God.
For Thomas did return to me, in a coffin covered with flag. They said he was strong. They said it takes a very experienced sniper to took him down.
I thank God for he was shot and gone with a quick death. Not shattered by bomb, screaming wildly as he search for his leg.

I should've cried right now, isn't it?
But I can't. I lost half of my emotion as the price of my immortality.
And I lost count of my age too. I think I even forgot my birthday.

When I was reborn as what I am right now, the first thought that came to me was hope.
I hope I could bring back those who was taken from me. Bring them back, as my aunt bring me back that day. My grandfather, my poor little brother, my mother....and Thomas.
But I had to learn that I can't. They had been gone for long.

The immortality paid with great price. Loss, for example. I witnessed the death of my father, and my brothers in old age. Also my friend, and every one I knew.
They envied me for my everlasting youth, I envied them for what they can experience as a human--family, old age, death.

Death? Yes, I desired it.
I'm quite curious about it. What it feels like to be dead? How dark end empty is it to close your eyes forever?
Will I meet again with my family and my Thomas, as what they always said?
Will I meet God? Will I face them all with fangs? Or as a human?

Death pretty easy for me. Seeing the sun again means death.
But will I do those act?

Well, being a vampire has it's own fun.
Like one day a thief came into my house in the middle of the night. He thought the house was empty.
He ended up as my dinner.

Some days I met another vampire. A nice guy, one day. But I don't know why, I keep comparing him with my Thomas. I guess I was cursed. He cursed me from heaven. Maybe.


The dawn is closing now.
I don't really know how to end this note.
I guess I'll live. For another 100 years, if I want to.
After these years I learned that the dead may not always come back. That death is a part of living itself, as well as breathing, eating...and drinking blood.
Loss, love, pain....are just ingredients that gives the life its flavor.

And memories...is something so mysterious.
Knows no death. Knows no time. It has its own dimension.

But for me, it is my greatest treasure, worth more than immortality.




Good night, preys.