00.09

My semester holiday started at 17th December, and will have its end at 6th February.

A long time, eh?

And guess who I met along this holiday!

Myself.

Yes.

Having a long vacation accidentally faced me with my own self.

Giving me a lot of time to confront her, and to know her better.

To finally understand her, and to accept her.

Yesterday night, I eventually came to the lowest point of my emotion.

I cried silently in the night, while praying to God AND at the same time being so sad to remember that yesterday was the 11th month since my grandma, Oti, left me.

Why oh why I cried?

1. I think I've messed up my life. One lazy decision in the past forced me to pay the cause today.

2. I lose my self confident. Everytime I see other people, I see that they are perfect in any way. They have everything they wanted, and they seemed really happy. The have the perfect body, they're beautiful, etc.

3. I'm getting tired studying law. I don't know what I have to do in the future, I don't know how to start my career, and I think I only will ended up dissapointing my mother. Above all, she is perfect. She's smart, dilligent, hard worker, etc.

4. I'm afraid that I will never fulfill my dream.

5. I miss my grandma.

So I cried.

Real hard.

I try to find the answers of all that to God, and now...

I guess He's on the way of answering it.

So please, God.

I need the answers...like...now.

Thank you.